Home safely from Cabo San Lucas!!!!

Wow almost a year and a half with no post, lots of water under the bridge!!!!
I'm officially divorced!
I have a new car!
I have my own apartment!
I lost my friend to cancer, but had the privilege of caring for him until his last breath!
I love my job, but wished I made more money!
Life is good, I just survived a hurricane and missed out on a vacation but it was an experience I'll never forget.
I enjoyed the ocean and people!
I'm happy to be home with my two chiwiennies!!!!!!! I love them so!!!!!!!

Santa Fe

Just arrived........Love it here! Had awesome Indian Food, Chicken Curry!  Again at a moderately nice hotel and about to embark on a house hunting journey!  A journey with myself and finding myself!!

Life goes on

I miss my husband! I miss our life......my life was on hold for so long and now I don't know how to carry on.  I crave the old way of life.  I so long to be normal and have a home with a spouse.  I want to carry on and live.  Why is it so hard for me to write down my feelings.  I can't express myself like I would like to.  I seem to be stuck in the past.  I want to move on.  I know the decisions I've made in life have not been the best.  I want to fulfill my dreams and live the life I dream of.  What is my dream? To be married and have a family.  I am 52 and have no children.  I am married and my marriage fell apart.  All the things I dreamed of doing with my husband.  Adopting children, having a family.  Helping my husband fulfill his dreams.  Being legal, having his son in his life.  Building a home together that we both felt proud of and contributed to.  Coming home and talking about our day.  Planning our weekends, our vacations, our dreams.  What happened, where did it go wrong, what did I do that created this in my life? I have so many questions, and not many answers.  I know that my Mom will not live forever and I will be alone again.  I wonder where my energies will be focused?  I wish I knew what way to turn what to do with myself?

Love Hurts? NO

Everyone say Love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts.  Rejection hurts.  Losing someone hurts. Everyone confuses these things with Love, but in reality Love is the only thing in the world that heals pain, and makes us feel wonderful again.  My husband is back in Mexico.  I think this is where he belongs.........My heart has been hurting for so long since his return home. Now he is gone and now I have peace, I know that it wasn't love because love doesn't hurt!! So true.

How is it that a relationship can go from everything wonderful to everything unanswered.  I don't understand how someone can change because of not being content with other things in life.  Can it effect how someone loves you??  If I had to look out for my own back.  Worry about future plans such as a secure job, would that change the way I loved someone?  Would pain from things gone wrong and disappointment change the way you care for and show love to someone?  I too have experienced pain, disappointment, been discouraged, not known where my next paycheck will come from........however, I still love others with the same love and gentleness as before.  When I love someone my love is consistent.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

So I am trying to make sense of my marriage...............Lord I'm praying for wisdom and strength from you, please guide my footsteps, my words, my actions so to glorify you!

Roller coster rides must be fun, is that why people puke on them?

Well I'm cresting for another plunge down the coaster!  I'm going to Mexico, I really don't want to go to Mexico.  He loves me he loves me not????  He is nice, sweet, kind, like the man I married........then bi-polar????  OMG I'm so not liking this ride!  I want to lay out my plan for the next year, next 5 years, and next 10 years.  I don't want any uncertainty in my life/marriage.  I want someone who I can share my heart with and show my true emotions to, that won't ignore my feelings.  Someone who truly cares about me.  The way I care for them.  I want to have fun and enjoy one another.  I want to plan fun times together, looking forward to life, our life.  I want to share my hopes and dreams.  I will have this in my life I deserve it I give this to the one I love!

How I feel today (after finding love letters to another woman)

I love you
you are my love
you opened my heart
and now you have broken my heart
for you have love for another
why is it that you cannot tell me the truth?
For lying is not the way to treat my heart
I would never do that to you and your heart
You will someday realize what you have done and it will be too late
I hate to see you throw your life away and take the easy way out
You betrayed me and our God
God still loves you and has hope for your future
I pray you do not turn to liqueur, this is not the answer.
It is a disease and all the men in your family seem to struggle with this problem.
I will always love you and pray that God will give you direction.
God loves you he knows every intimate detail about you he created you in your mothers womb.
He will never leave or forsake you
He is your helpmate
He cares for you
He wants only good things for you
He wants blessings for you and your family
He wants to restore and make right all transgressions
He died for you and wants to make your life full of victory
He wants you to share your thoughts with him
He will guide you
listen to the still small voice within, You will live in my heart forever and I will never be sorry for the love I experienced with you.
Thank you for giving me the joy I had with you.......I pray it will be as great or better with the one you LOVE!