Life goes on

I miss my husband! I miss our life......my life was on hold for so long and now I don't know how to carry on.  I crave the old way of life.  I so long to be normal and have a home with a spouse.  I want to carry on and live.  Why is it so hard for me to write down my feelings.  I can't express myself like I would like to.  I seem to be stuck in the past.  I want to move on.  I know the decisions I've made in life have not been the best.  I want to fulfill my dreams and live the life I dream of.  What is my dream? To be married and have a family.  I am 52 and have no children.  I am married and my marriage fell apart.  All the things I dreamed of doing with my husband.  Adopting children, having a family.  Helping my husband fulfill his dreams.  Being legal, having his son in his life.  Building a home together that we both felt proud of and contributed to.  Coming home and talking about our day.  Planning our weekends, our vacations, our dreams.  What happened, where did it go wrong, what did I do that created this in my life? I have so many questions, and not many answers.  I know that my Mom will not live forever and I will be alone again.  I wonder where my energies will be focused?  I wish I knew what way to turn what to do with myself?